My Own Words: George Floyd & Racism

It’s always been said that, “Action speaks louder than words,” which was proven to me by a single action that I will never forget.

I sat in the passenger seat of my friend’s car – moving and grooving to the rhythmic tune of Bad Bunny and El Alfa’s smash hit, La Romana – as we came to a stop at a red light in Westminster, Maryland. As we swayed our arms back and forth and sang at the top of our lungs, “Ardiente, caliente, ardiente, caliente,” or “hot, hot, hot, hot,” a large pickup truck pulled up next to us, on my right-hand side.

As the truck came to a stop, I glanced over, only to see a glinting window slowly rolling down to reveal the piercing eyes of a middle-aged white man and his white girlfriend, glaring directly at me. I didn’t think to stop dancing or singing, because, why should I? I was enjoying the moment, enjoying myself in the company of my friend, enjoying music that expanded my cultural experience – but these two didn’t seem to enjoy it.

After looking me up and down for the entirety of the stoplight cycle – as if I was a foreign creature of some sort – the man opened his mouth and spat directly at the ground while maintaining eye contact with me. He then proceeded to speed off into the night as soon as the light turned green a second later.

When the spit hit the ground, it was deafening to me.

A single, non-verbal action, signified his complete and utter disgust for everything that I represented to him in that moment – and likely, to what other black people have represented to him throughout his life.

I was dumbfounded, shocked, stunned, paralyzed – I felt helpless. To this day, I can’t even begin to summon the words of what it feels like to be racially abused.

This is the first time I’m publicly sharing this.

I’m not sharing this because I want to fit the narrative of the countless social media posts that span your timeline.

I’m not sharing this because I want to play the role of the victim.

I’m sharing this because I am sad.

I’m sharing this because I feel hopeless.

I’m sharing this because I feel tired.

Watching the knee of a white police officer crush the life out of an innocent black man has shown me that those who swear to protect us, will still kill us.

Watching police officers throw tear gas and shoot rubber bullets at non-violent protesters in the city that I called home for over half a year, kills me inside.

Watching the President of the United States blatantly ignore what so many are risking their lives to protest for and instead threaten military force on his own citizens, makes me sick to my stomach.

Seeing major news outlets with headlines of, “It’s time for our country to face racism” makes we want to scream out, “WHY IS IT TIME NOW? WHY WASN’T IT TIME YEARS AGO? WHY WASN’T IT TIME WHEN RODNEY KING WAS SAVAGELY BEATEN BY POLICE? WHY WASN’T IT TIME WHEN AHMAUD ARBERY WAS HUNTED DOWN AND SHOT WHILE JOGGING IN A NEIGHBORHOOD? WHY WASN’T IT TIME WHEN ERIC GARNER’S DYING WORDS OF, ‘I CAN’T BREATHE’ ESCAPED FROM HIS MOUTH?

Racism is a problem that has plagued our country for hundreds of years. Now is not the time for our country to face racism, now is the time for our country to completely and utterly reject racism.

It’s time to firmly cast those away who believe in superiority based on skin color. It’s time to spite those that look in another’s eye and spit on the ground in disgust out of what they see. It’s time to end the cycle of innocent lives being lost for actual change to even begin to occur.

I’ll be the first person to tell you that I come from privilege. But, privilege will not stop my voice from being heard.

Within my professional career, I have existed as the sole black person in many of the teams that I have worked in. This doesn’t make me uncomfortable, rather it makes me want to fight harder to succeed because I am proud to be different. I am proud to push the boundaries and break down barriers that have stood for so long. I am proud to defy those with preconceived notions of what people of certain skin color can do.

I want to pave the way for others, so that the youth in America may grow to realize their dreams and to not stop chasing them until that damn door, barrier, or glass ceiling is blasted into a million pieces.

I want to use my platform for positive discussion, positive change, and to find positive solutions so that we may begin to emerge from this crisis as brothers, sisters, and equals – not as sworn enemies.

If you feel down, helpless, defenseless, find strength in these words.

It’s time for change.

I’m tired of feeling tired.

I’m tired of feeling helpless.

I’m tired of feeling hopeless.

Take care of your black friends. Tell them you love them. I promise you, they need it more than you know.

Until next time,

Billy